Alone in the Crowd
by Akatsuki210
Summary: Oneshot.  Itachi is not a man who likes uncertainty.  But like it or not, he must confront it all the same.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Naruto_ or any of its characters.

**Warning:** This story contains spoilers for the manga.

**Alone in the Crowd**

Itachi and Kisame sat at the table in the kitchen of the Akatsuki headquarters, eating their dinner. Or rather, Kisame was eating and Itachi was contemplating while staring at his plate. Itachi normally wasn't very talkative, but on occasion he became even quieter than usual. This was one of those times.

In between mouthfuls of ramen, Kisame was talking about the upcoming fulfillment of Akatsuki's plans. With only one jinchuuriki left to capture, the second phase of the strategy laid out by their Leader was fast approaching. After that, the Akatsuki would begin instigating conflicts both large and small across the continent. One skirmish would follow another, and the smaller shinobi villages would collapse. The surviving shinobi from those villages would look for a place to go, and would turn to the only place that would accept them: the Akatsuki. Over time, the size of the conflicts manufactured by the organization would grow, swelling into a cataclysmic war that would engulf the world—one that would force even the Five Great Shinobi Nations to call upon the Akatsuki for assistance. Kisame was looking forward to this a great deal, since he lived to fight. Samehada's scales rustled in shared excitement, for the sentient weapon also relished the prospect of battle. Battle, after all, meant a chance to gorge itself on its enemies' chakra.

Kisame looked at Itachi expectantly, which he took as his cue to nod and say, "…Hn."

Kisame apparently accepted this as agreement, because he continued talking. Itachi simply looked back down at his plate and listlessly poked a piece of spicy tuna sushi with his chopsticks. He had never liked having obligations to others. From the time he was small, his parents had drilled into him the fact that he was the heir to leadership of the clan, and thus had special duties to his family and village. At first, he was excited by this—it meant he was special, that he was _valued_ and _needed_. As a child, he thought that being needed by others was important. But as he grew older, he came to resent the responsibilities that his family constantly pushed onto him. They told him that the clan needed this or that, but never once asked him what _he _wanted to do with his life.

When he started his training at Konoha's shinobi academy, he quickly discovered that both the teachers and the other students had expectations of him, simply because he was an Uchiha. He was expected to be the top student in the class, to excel at everything, because that was just what Uchihas did. Once again, he found himself becoming bitter at the obligations thrust upon him.

Sometimes, he wondered just why he had joined the Akatsuki. Originally, he had accepted their offer of membership because it presented an opportunity to test his skills and increase his power. Kisame looked forward to the coming war simply because he loved to fight; Itachi looked forward to it because it meant having the chance to test the boundaries of his abilities and see how far he could push them. But at the same time, tying himself to an organization meant accepting obligations to the goals of others—the very thing he had despised so much as a child.

"And then, one day, everyone will wake up and realize that the Akatsuki is the only major military power left. And on that day, _anything_ we want will be ours for the taking!" Kisame had finished his enthusiastic monologue about the Akatsuki's intent to reshape the world, and was once again staring at Itachi as though he expected some sort of response.

"…Hn." Itachi briefly glanced up at his partner, then resumed pushing his sushi back and forth from one side of his plate to the other. It wasn't like him to be uncertain about anything—once he made a decision, he followed through on it and never looked back. It had been that way when he made the decision to slaughter his clan. He had been growing more and more frustrated with their attempts to force him into the role they'd chosen for him. They acted as though he owed the clan something—as if just by being born, he'd agreed to be their dutiful little minion—and each day, he grew to hate it a little bit more. Coupled with that hatred was a mounting disillusionment with Konoha's insistence on the primacy of bonds with others. A good ninja was supposed to put his team, his clan, his village before himself—he was supposed to be _defined_ by his bonds. Itachi detested that idea, couldn't stand being defined in relation to others. A ninja, in his view, should be defined by his own power and unique skills. Slowly, it became clear to him that the only way he was ever going to escape his ties to the Uchiha clan—and, by extension, to Konoha as a whole—was if that clan ceased to exist. Once he had started plotting the downfall of his famous clan, he never had any doubts.

Some people speculated that Itachi had spared Sasuke because of some vestiges of brotherly love. They said that even as coldhearted and cruel as he was, Itachi simply could not bring himself to murder his younger brother. Those people were wrong. Itachi had left Sasuke alive for one simple reason: with the potential to achieve the ultimate form of the Sharingan and spurred on by an unquenchable desire for revenge, Sasuke was the one person who might someday present an actual challenge to Itachi. While fighting was exhilarating for Kisame, it had become downright boring for Itachi, because there was simply no one who could seriously threaten to defeat him. But if Sasuke obtained the Mangekyou Sharingan, then when Itachi fought him, he would be fighting for his life. Against Sasuke, Itachi could test the success of his relentless quest for power.

Such an achievement, of course, would require Sasuke to become as cold and ruthless as Itachi himself was. The Akatsuki had eyes and ears everywhere, and news of his brother's current activities had reached the elder Uchiha. Although Sasuke had severed his ties with Konoha, he had not yet achieved the Mangekyou. What's more, he seemed to have formed a whole new set of bonds, with a group of three former Sound ninja who were known collectively as Hebi. _"Hate me, detest me, and live in an unsightly way. Run and run, and cling to life…And when you have eyes like mine, come before me."_ Sasuke, it seemed, had declined to follow the path Itachi had laid out for him. But in so doing, wasn't he doing the same thing Itachi had done all those years ago? Wasn't he, too, rejecting the expectations of others and following his own path?

Itachi had broken all his bonds and tried to isolate himself completely from everyone around him. He had resolved to expand his own power no matter the cost, and measure himself by no standards but his own. And yet, in order to fulfill that goal, he had had to join an organization, submit to the commands of a leader, and accept the companionship of a partner. He had tried to force his brother to walk a certain path, and had never realized that by this course of action, he was doing the same thing to Sasuke that his clan had once done to him. He found himself, for the first time in years, questioning the decisions he'd made and the actions he'd taken. He wasn't used to such uncertainty, and he_ hated_ it. Uncertainty was a weakness, and Itachi despised weakness above all else.

He didn't consciously realize just how agitated he was becoming until his grip tightened convulsively on his chopsticks, causing them to snap in half. He was being overwhelmed by emotion in a way that hadn't happened since the night of the massacre. Anger, resentment, and other feelings that he refused to acknowledge swirled within him, creating a dangerous maelstrom that he knew he could not contain indefinitely. The last time Itachi had released the tight hold he kept on his psyche, he had decimated the most powerful clan in Konoha. If he released it again now, the nearest person would pay the price, and the nearest person happened to be his partner. Swiftly, Itachi stood up and marched out of the room.

"Itachi-san…?" Kisame seemed confused by his sudden departure.

Itachi strode down the hall, and proceeded down a flight of stairs to a small, dank cell. Chained inside was a Rain shinobi that he and Kisame had captured. They were intending to interrogate him later—he was a spy operating in the Fire Country, and was believed to have information about the Kyuubi jinchuuriki. Realizing that he didn't have the key to the cell on his person, Itachi simply punched the door, and it fell inward. Itachi wasn't Gai, but he could use some pretty powerful taijutsu when he wanted to. With his left hand, he grabbed the Rain nin by the front of his shirt and pinned him against the wall of the cell. Meanwhile, his right hand began to glow with chakra that looked like blue lightning.

"Itachi-san!" Kisame had followed him, and was standing in the doorway of the cell.

Itachi drew his glowing fist back and slammed it into the Rain ninja's torso. Blood splattered Itachi's face, and the section of wall behind the man crumbled, revealing another corridor.

Itachi's shoulders heaved and his breath came in short gasps. He threw the dead Rain shinobi aside and stood in the center of the cell, trying to master the fear that threatened to overcome him—the fear that he had made some terrible mistake, that everything he'd done would be for nothing. That the sacrifices he'd made—giving up friendship, family, the chance for a peaceful life—would be in vain. _I have chosen this path, and I will not turn back. I _will _seek power at any cost, and Sasuke _will_ become the worthy challenger that I want him to be. There is no other option._ His breathing slowed, and he turned to face his partner.

"Are you all right, Itachi-san?" Kisame seemed genuinely worried—he had never seen his stoic companion lose control like this before.

Itachi could have told Kisame what was bothering him. He could have explained his concerns, asked for advice, sought reassurance. But he had long ago stopped relying on others, and after so many years of complete self-sufficiency, he simply _couldn't _turn to anyone else. He didn't know how to anymore. Even among nine comrades, he was utterly alone.

So he simply said, "I am fine," and went back upstairs to finish his dinner.

**A/N: **This fic is sort of an expansion on Itachi's paragraph in "Masks", although you don't have to read that story to understand this one. It's also partially inspired by an awesome essay about Itachi that Rhaella wrote on the NF forums.

Also, if you're a member at the NF forums, you should enter their fanfiction contest. The contest is open until July 8—the only caveat is that you can't post your entry anywhere else (i.e. here) until after the judging is over, because they want to keep all the entries anonymous. I've submitted a story, and will probably post it here once the contest is done.


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